Day Trading Diary: 'I've Bought Every Animal Token Since 2021'
Local trader CryptoNoah claims to have assembled the world's first complete digital zoo, after spending three years aping into literally every animal-themed token that's crossed his Twitter feed. His portfolio now resembles less of an investment strategy and more of an endangered species list.
"It started innocently enough with dogs," Noah explained from his room wallpapered with animal token charts. "But then I discovered cats existed on-chain. Then hamsters. Then that one token named after a bacterium that kinda looks like a duck if you squint really hard."
His trading diary, a 69,420-page manifesto titled "How I Turned $100K Into $47 By Collecting Every Digital Animal," offers fascinating insights into the mind of a man who has genuinely convinced himself that every creature on Earth needs its own smart contract.
Selected entries include:
March 2021: "Dear Diary, bought my first dog token today. Feeling cute, might diversify into other canines later."
June 2022: "Update: Now own 47 different dog tokens, 23 cat tokens, and something called $PLATYPUS that turned out to be arug pull by actual platypuses. Still bullish."
January 2023: "Breaking: Found out about insects. Did you know there are over 900,000 known species? Time to take out a third mortgage."
April 2024: "Day 847: Just aped into $PARAMECIUM. It's giving early Bitcoin vibes. Single-cell organisms are definitely the next narrative."
Noah's trading strategy, which he describes as "literally just buying anything that moves or has moved at some point in evolutionary history," has caught the attention of biologists worldwide. "He's discovered several new species through token launches before we could find them in nature," admitted one confused scientist.
His most successful trade? "Either $DOGE or that token named after a mythical creature that turned out to be just a horse wearing a party hat. Still up 4x on that one."
His worst? "Probably $BIGFOOT. Turns out it wasn't actually endorsed by the real Bigfoot. Got ghosted in the telegram group."
Noah's portfolio now includes:
- 147 dog variations ("Each one is literally unique, trust")
- 89 cat tokens ("They're basically blue chips at this point")
- 1 token named after a controversial interpretation of what noise a fox actually makes
- Something called $BACTERIA that he swears is "the future of finance"
When asked about his endgame, Noah revealed plans to tokenize the entire animal kingdom, including species that haven't been discovered yet. "I'm especially bullish on deep-sea creatures. Those things already look like they were designed by a memecoin dev while high."
At press time, Noah was last seen frantically buying every token with "crypto" in its name, after someone told him it was derived from an ancient Greek word for a type of beetle.
About the Author: Kobayashi Mememoto is an independent journalist with years of experience at the intersection of memes, crypto, and finance. Kobayashi's articles have been featured in several finance and crypto publications, with his main expertise being in memecoin trading. Mememoto's motto? "If you're not willing to lose it all on the next pump.fun jeet token, are you even investing?"
