Elon Musk Steps Down as CEO of All Companies to Focus Full-Time on Memecoin Shitposting 'It's Where I Add the Most Value,' He Says
In a move that has shocked Wall Street and crypto bros alike, Elon Musk announced today that he's stepping down from all his CEO positions to dedicate himself to the noble art of memecoin shitposting. The billionaire, known for his erratic tweets and market-moving memes, declared that his true calling lies in creating dank content for coins with names like "ElonCumRocket" and "DogeElonMars."
"Look, building electric cars and reusable rockets is child's play compared to the intellectual rigor required to craft the perfect 'wen moon' meme," Musk explained in a series of 420 tweets. "It's time I focused on what truly matters: pumping coins with zero utility and canine mascots."
Industry insiders report that Musk has already set up a state-of-the-art shitposting command center in his mother's basement. The facility reportedly includes a wall of monitors displaying real-time Wojak expressions and a soundboard of various fart noises to accompany his posts.
"Elon's move is a game-changer," said Chad Baghodler, a self-proclaimed crypto influencer with 12 followers. "His shitposts alone could replace the entire global financial system. This is bullish for my bags of SafeElonCumMoon."
Meanwhile, Tesla's board of directors expressed relief at Musk's departure. "Finally, we can focus on making cars without worrying about the CEO tweeting that we're pivoting to blockchain-based flamethrowers," sighed one anonymous board member.
As news of Musk's career change spread, the memecoin market experienced unprecedented volatility. CumRocket surged 6,942,069%, only to crash seconds later when investors realized they couldn't actually cum rockets.
In a final statement, Musk declared, "To the moon? Nah, that's thinking too small. We're going to Uranus, baby!" He then proceeded to tweet a gif of a rocket entering a black hole, causing three new memecoins to spontaneously manifest and immediately rug-pull.
At press time, the SEC was reportedly in talks to create a new regulatory body solely dedicated to deciphering Musk's memes. Good luck with that, nerds.
