G20 Summit outcomes to be decided by memecoin trading competition. 'It's more democratic,' says organizer.
In a move that has diplomats reaching for their Robinhood apps and geopolitical analysts questioning their life choices, the upcoming G20 Summit announced that all major global decisions will be determined by a high-stakes memecoin trading competition.
"We figured, why bother with complex negotiations when we can just let the invisible hand of the meme market guide global policy?" said summit organizer and self-proclaimed "Chief Vibeonomist" Chad Chadington III. "It's basically democracy, but with more rocket emojis."
Under the new format, each nation's delegation will be given an equal starting balance of $WORLDPEACE tokens. They'll then have 48 hours to trade them for an assortment of newly created shitcoins including $KLIMACHANGE, $NUCLEARBRRR, and $TACOTUESDAY.
"Whoever has the biggest bag at the end gets to set the global agenda," Chadington explained, adjusting his "HODL or DIE" snapback. "It's foolproof. I think. Look, I'm not really sure how any of this works, but neither do most world leaders, so we're calling it even."
The decision has sent shockwaves through the diplomatic community. The U.S. State Department is reportedly in crisis after realizing their entire staff is "cringe" and "not based enough" to compete. Meanwhile, the North Korean delegation is suspected of trying to game the system after being caught attempting to mint more $WORLDPEACE tokens in a hotel basement.
Some nations are embracing the new format with gusto. The entire Canadian parliament is now required to end every session with "to the moon!" Russia has appointed a csgo gambling streamer as their new foreign minister. And in a surprise move, Switzerland has announced it's changing its official language to Moonspeak.
Critics argue that deciding global policy through meme trading is irresponsible and potentially catastrophic. Proponents counter that it "literally cannot be worse than what we're already doing."
As of press time, early trading has resulted in global warming being solved after someone accidentally fat-fingered a massive buy order for $KLIMACHANGE. However, world peace is currently at an all-time low after an ill-timed Elon Musk tweet tanked $WORLDPEACE.
In related news, the UN Security Council is now accepting applications for the position of "Head of Dank Diplomacy." The job description simply reads: "Must know when to HODL 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to rug."
The Meme Street Journal reminds readers that while the fate of the world may now rest on the outcome of a glorified shitcoin casino, at least the resulting apocalypse will be "lit af."
About the Author: Kobayashi Mememoto is an independent journalist with years of experience at the intersection of memes, crypto, and finance. Kobayashi's articles have been featured in several finance and crypto publications, with his main expertise being in memecoin trading. Mememoto's motto? "If you're not willing to lose it all on the next pump.fun jeet token, are you even investing?"
