"Ivy League universities now offering full scholarships to top memecoin traders. 'They're the true geniuses,' says Harvard Dean."

"Ivy League universities now offering full scholarships to top memecoin traders. 'They're the true geniuses,' says Harvard Dean."
Ivy League Professor giving scholarship to 14 year old top memecoin trader

In a move that has parents everywhere questioning their life choices, Ivy League universities have announced a new scholarship program aimed at recruiting the brightest minds in memecoin trading.

"We've been wasting our time on outdated metrics like SAT scores and GPAs," said Harvard Dean of Admissions, Chad Chadwick IV, while attempting to explain what a "rug pull" is to a room full of shellshocked professors. "The real galaxy brains are out there turning lunch money into lambos through the power of shitposting and diamond hands."

The scholarship, dubbed the "YOLO Fellowship," will cover full tuition, room, and board, plus a stipend of 69,420 DOGE per semester. Applicants will be evaluated based on their memecoin portfolios, ability to predict Elon Musk's tweets, and proficiency in creating viral TikToks about their gains (or hilariously catastrophic losses).

Yale's admissions office has already replaced its entire staff with a team of Reddit moderators from r/SatoshiStreetBets. Meanwhile, Princeton has announced plans to replace its economics department with a 24/7 Discord server.

"These kids are operating on a level we can't even comprehend," marveled MIT's President, Dr. L. Rafael Reif, staring blankly at a screen full of animated rocket emojis and indecipherable slang. "I thought I was smart until a 16-year-old explained to me why investing his bar mitzvah money in something called $CumRocket was actually a sound financial strategy."

The move has sent shockwaves through the education system. High schools across the nation are scrambling to add "Advanced Shitcoin Studies" to their curricula. The SAT is being revamped to include a section on "Dank Meme Analysis" and "Ape Psychology 101."

Not everyone is on board with the new direction. One Ivy League alumnus, who wished to remain anonymous, grumbled, "Back in my day, we had to insider trade the old-fashioned way to get ahead. These kids have it too easy with their fancy memecoins and their Tegrity Farms."

As of press time, the first class of YOLO Fellows is set to begin this fall. The traditional freshman orientation has been replaced with a mandatory 72-hour Twitch stream where incoming students must double their crypto holdings or face immediate expulsion.

In related news, community colleges are reportedly considering a similar program for users of "normie" trading apps like Robinhood. "Hey, someone's gotta teach underwater basket weaving," said one community college dean, sighing heavily.

The Meme Street Journal reminds readers that while a degree in memecoin trading may seem ridiculous now, it'll probably be a prerequisite for running the Federal Reserve in 10 years. Wagmi, fam.

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