In a stunning revelation that's shaken the financial world to its core, Warren Buffett, the Oracle of Omaha himself, has confessed to secretly dumping Berkshire Hathaway's massive cash reserves into what he thought was Bitcoin. Plot twist: it wasn't. "I've seen
In a move that has Wall Street suits collectively shitting their pants, Citadel Capital announced today that it's firing its entire quantitative analysis team and replacing them with a crack squad of meme lords and TikTok influencers. "We've crunched the numbers, and it turns out
In a move that has diplomats reaching for their Robinhood apps and geopolitical analysts questioning their life choices, the upcoming G20 Summit announced that all major global decisions will be determined by a high-stakes memecoin trading competition. "We figured, why bother with complex negotiations when we can just let
In a groundbreaking paper that has economists reaching for the bottle and crypto bros nodding sagely, Dr. Chad Yolonsky of the prestigious University of Reddit has proposed a revolutionary new economic theory: The Efficient Market Hypothesis, But Like, Really Dumb. "We've long assumed that markets efficiently price
In a move that has economists reaching for the tequila and crypto bros tattooing chickens on their chests, El Salvador's enigmatic president Nayib Bukele dropped a bombshell tweetstorm revealing that 90% of the nation's treasury is now invested in something called "Smoking Chicken Fish"
In a groundbreaking move that has financial analysts questioning their career choices, Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell delivered his latest monetary policy speech entirely through a curated series of GIFs. The unprecedented address began with a "This is fine" dog meme, setting the tone for what economists are
In a move that has traditional finance bros questioning their entire existence, Goldman Sachs announced today the launch of its new "Dank Memes" trading desk, claiming it's discovered "where the real alpha is hiding." "We've been wasting our time with antiquated
In a move that has economists questioning their career choices and Twitter shitposters suddenly feeling like macroeconomic geniuses, the World Bank has unveiled its revolutionary new "Meme Economy Index" (MEI) as the gold standard for measuring national economic health. Gone are the days of boring metrics like GDP,
In a move that has left the crypto community simultaneously intrigued and calling their therapists, the controversial $FREUD hardfork is set to launch next week. This groundbreaking update to the blockchain introduces a revolutionary new consensus mechanism: Proof-of-Mom (PoM). "We've had Proof-of-Work, Proof-of-Stake, even Proof-of-Space," explained
In a groundbreaking study that has the financial world questioning everything they thought they knew, renowned economist Dr. Prudence Boringston has discovered that the number of rocket emojis used in tweets about an asset is a far stronger predictor of its performance than traditional metrics like P/E ratios. "
In a twist that has left the crypto world simultaneously mindblown and facepalming, the true identity of Bitcoin's pseudonymous creator, Satoshi Nakamoto, has finally been revealed. It turns out, Satoshi is not a person, but the collective consciousness of every 14-year-old who ever uttered the phrase "your
In a shocking turn of events that has the finance world questioning reality itself, Warren Buffett, the Oracle of Omaha and long-time crypto skeptic, has publicly declared his newfound love for the very "rat poison squared" he once despised: Bitcoin. At a hastily arranged press conference, a glassy-eyed