Shitcoin Circle of Life: How Being Up 1000x and Believing in Another 100x Became the New Alpha
Holy fucking shit, degens. Grab your favorite flavor of glue and strap in, because the absolute state of CT right now is more galaxy brain than Vitalik on ayahuasca. The "Shitcoin Circle of Life" just dropped, and it's got TradFi simps malding harder than a nocoiner watching DOGE flip JPMorgan.
This god-tier strat, first big-dicked into the twitterverse by none other than gigachad @flooksta, is so smooth-brained it's actually genius. The secret sauce? Being "up 1000x on your shitcoin and retarded enough to think it'll do another 100x." It's like edging, but for your portfolio.
"It's basically The Lion King, but Mufasa is your initial investment, Scar is the SEC, and Simba is your micropeen shitcoin that's destined to rule the savanna," explained @PrinceOfProsperity, Crypto Twitter's resident meme sommelier and hopium dealer. "Circle of Life? More like Circle of Wife-Changing Gains, amirite?"
This big dick energy is spreading through the WAGMI brigade faster than rumors at a high school. CT is littered with loss porn that would make WSB blush, right next to portfolios that went from lunch money to "fuck you" money quicker than you can say "wen lambo."
"Selling is for paper-handed bitches and TradFi cucks," roared one anonymous whale, flexing a $PEPE bag that briefly made them richer than your wife's boyfriend. "I'm diamond-handing this bitch until we flip Apple or I can cop a clapped-out Honda Civic. Bullish AF either way."
Some low IQ fudsters are calling this strategy "unsustainable" and "cultish." In response, the 200 IQ chads launched $HODL, a gigabased token that burns 99% of any sell order. "Can't panic sell if selling is impossible," tapped the dev, pointing to his temple.
Meanwhile, the same nerds who thought tulips were a solid investment are losing their shit. "We've never seen mass delusion produce gains like this," admitted one pocket protector-wearing researcher, probably named Melvin. "But we also thought spending millions on jpegs of depressed monkeys was retarded, so what the fuck do we know?"
The SEC, those fun-hating boomers, are in full panic mode. Gary Gensler was last seen furiously googling "how to regulate imaginary numbers" and "can memes be securities?" Good luck with that, Gary. You can't regulate the autism, you can only hope to contain it.
As we speak, TradFi is in shambles. Goldman Sachs is rebranding to "Goldman Sats," JPMorgan is trying to figure out how to list emoji tickers, and Warren Buffett is considering renaming Berkshire Hathaway to "Brrrkshire HFSP."
About the Author: Kobayashi Mememoto is an independent journalist with years of experience at the intersection of memes, crypto, and finance. Kobayashi's articles have been featured in several finance and crypto publications, with his main expertise being in memecoin trading. Mememoto's motto? "If you're not willing to lose it all on the next pump.fun jeet token, are you even investing?"
