Warren Buffett Admits: 'I've Been YOLOing Berkshire's Cash Reserves into $BITCOIN. Charlie Thinks It's Hilarious.'
In a stunning revelation that's shaken the financial world to its core, Warren Buffett, the Oracle of Omaha himself, has confessed to secretly dumping Berkshire Hathaway's massive cash reserves into what he thought was Bitcoin. Plot twist: it wasn't.
"I've seen the light," Buffett declared at an emergency press conference, his eyes glazed over with the thousand-yard stare of a man who's spent too much time on crypto Twitter. "Rat poison squared? More like rat poison to the moon!"
However, it quickly became apparent that the 92-year-old investing legend had actually been pouring billions into $BITCOIN, the ticker for HarryPotterObamaSonic10Inu token, a memecoin so absurd it makes Dogecoin look like a blue-chip stock.
When informed of his mistake, Buffett simply shrugged and said, "Well, I like Harry Potter, and Obama seems like a nice fellow. As for Sonic, he's fast, right? Sounds bullish to me."
Charlie Munger, Buffett's long-time partner and notorious crypto skeptic, was spotted in the background of the press conference, cackling uncontrollably. "I told him to buy the dip," Munger wheezed between fits of laughter. "I just didn't specify which dip!"
Crypto enthusiasts worldwide are torn between celebrating Buffett's apparent change of heart and facepalming at his choice of investment. "This is gentlemen," tweeted one Bitcoin maximalist, clearly confused but trying to stay positive.
Meanwhile, the dev team behind HarryPotterObamaSonic10Inu, consisting of three teenagers and a particularly tech-savvy golden retriever, expressed shock at their sudden windfall. "We just made it as a joke for our Dungeons & Dragons group," said lead dev XxX_Snape_Doge_XxX. "We never expected the world's greatest investor to ape in."
As news of Buffett's unexpected foray into the world of magical-political-hedgehog-themed cryptocurrencies spread, Wall Street analysts scrambled to update their models. "If Buffett's in, we're all in," declared one JPMorgan strategist, furiously googling "how to buy HarryPotterObamaSonic10Inu" on his Bloomberg terminal.
In response to the news, HarryPotterObamaSonic10Inu's price surged 80,000%, briefly making it the third-largest cryptocurrency by market cap, right behind Bitcoin and Ethereum, and just ahead of a token named "ElonMuskWife69."
At press time, Buffett was seen hunched over a laptop, trying to figure out how to connect his wallet to Uniswap, while Munger gleefully filmed the entire ordeal for what he called "the greatest TikTok the world will ever see."
In a final statement, Buffett advised investors: "Be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy when others are fearful. But most importantly, never check the ticker symbol before you YOLO your company's entire cash reserves."
About the Author: Kobayashi Mememoto is an independent journalist with years of experience at the intersection of memes, crypto, and finance. Kobayashi's articles have been featured in several finance and crypto publications, with his main expertise being in memecoin trading. Mememoto's motto? "If you're not willing to lose it all on the next pump.fun jeet token, are you even investing?"
